THE VALUE OF POSITIVE SELF-ESTEEM


Authored by Munirah Abdullah (D_Dignified_Muslimah)
Our self-esteem is instilled in us during our youth. Being constantly criticized by family,friends, and society tends to slowly strip us of our feelings of self worth. Our low self esteem strips us of our self confidence to make even the smallest of decisions.

Improving our self esteem increases our confidence and it is the first step towards finding happiness and a better life.

Self-esteem is known as an attitude toward the self and is similar to a judgment of oneself. It means to reflect a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own strength and weaknesses.

Self-esteem encompasses beliefs and emotions. It is self esteem that provokes the feelings of triumph, despair, pride and shame. The self-concept is what we think about the self. Self-esteem on the other hand, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, is how we feel about it.

It is the quality (positive or negative) that renders something desirable or valuabe, characterized by constructiveness or influence for the better. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection, this is the value of a positive self-esteem to one's self.

Self Esteem And Tawakkul (Reliance upon Allaah)

Tawakkul means to depend sincerely in one’s heart upon Allaah Almighty, for bringing blessings and warding off harms, for this world and the hereafter.

As  Muslims, we can not talk about self esteem without talking about tawakkul. Tawakkul is very important for self esteem  in Islam. Islam is the concept of one’s absolute confidence and trust in Allaah, believing and knowing that nothing can happen to us or hurt us unless it is by Will of Allaah – The Almighty.

The Qur’aan addressed the Muslims specifically:

“[Then] when you have decided on a course of action, put your trust in Allah: Allah loves those who put their trust in Him. If Allah helps you [believers], no one can overcome you. if he forsakes you, who else can help you? Believers should put their trust in Allah. [Q3: 159-160]”

Again Allaah asserts:

“Say: Only what Allah has decreed will happen to us. He is Our Master: let the believers put their trust in Allah.[Q9:51] ”

Self-esteem plays an important role in self identity . It can affect the dimensions of our whole life. Trust in Allah and self esteem is shown in a beautiful Hadeeth Qudsi:

“Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: Allah the Exalted said: O son of Adam, if you call upon me and place your hope in me, I will forgive you without any reservation. O son of Adam, if you have sins piling up to the clouds and then ask for my forgiveness, I will forgive you without any reservation. O son of Adam, if you come to me with enough sins to fill the earth and you meet me without associating a partner with me, I will come to you with enough forgiveness to fill the earth.”(Sunan At-Tirmidhi 3540, Grade: Sahih.)

Islam teaches us to maintain a state of balance in every aspect of our life. Neither should we think low of our self nor should we become arrogant in our life. Both arrogance and low self-esteem are considered two sides of the same coin; the coins of extremists, since both results from an imbalance in our life style as both are the extreme conditions. So we should develop a state of balance in our life have strong belief on the will of Allah.

How to Value a Positive Self-Esteem

Confidence

Self confidence can be gained by making yourself comfortable in your life. You can follow few or more steps to develop self esteem and be confident in your life without being arrogant.

  1. Dress Neatly

You should not be extravagant in your clothing, but rather you should dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Do not spend too much on your clothing, but buy selected clothes that you think will look good enough on you.

“Certainly He (Allaah) likes not the extravagant.” (Q7:31)

When you are comfortable in your clothes this will definitely develop a feeling of self confidence which pave way for positive self-esteem You will feel good to meet people and value yourself before anyone does.

In short, your dressing depicts your personality. Surely when you are neat and tidy it will make it easy to picture the value of being positive self-esteem.

  1. Inhale confidence and exhale doubt

As a human, do not be distracted by previous difficult experiences and past failures, because it spoils the little efforts you are putting together and make you look down on what you have achieved of success.

  1. Controlling one’s behaviour and actions

Controlling one’s behaviour and actions is something that the Muslim can do and it is within his capabilities. Part of tis is anger; human should have a positive self-esteem that he is able, with the help of his Lord, to rid himself of the evils and bad effects of anger and strive to mend his ways and discipline himself to adhere to the laws of Allah. This is something that is very easy indeed for the one who wants to achieve it, so long as he has a great deal of resolve to complete what he wants to achieve of disciplining himself and purifying his soul.

  1. Be positive

Remove your Negative self-esteem; start from within; ignore any and alldestructive criticism or insults, including any from your past. Your opinion of yourself is the most important opinion of all, because you know yourself better than anyone else. Many of us have been hurt by others at some time. It is crucial not to internalize that abuse and let them continue to hurt us, because that means the other person wins. If we let go of the past, ignore hurtful negativity and make ourselves happy, then we win.

  1. Daily To Do

Create daily affirmations. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself and another for things you can work on. Thank Allaah for all He has done for you and start with small steps to gain confidence. Take small steps and make small choices to gain confidence in your ability to make a decision.

Do not always try to please everyone. It is great to be considerate of others, but think before sacrificing your own needs to please them. Bending over backwards for strangers, mere acquaintances or people you do not trust may leave you with the short end of the stick. In short, do not allow yourself to be used.

  1. Be your own person

 Do not try to copy anyone else. You will be at your best when you are being yourself because of your uniqueness. Strive to be your best and do not criticize yourself if you fall short of your expectations.




7.       Avoid negative people

 People who have a negative attitude which may rub off on you are not good for you. If you are timid, loud and aggressive people are probably not good for you, and vice versa. Whatever you do, do not compare yourself to others. Just be the best that you can be.

8.       Notice Your Progress

Keep track of what you achieve. To keep your motivation up, and to continue to grow your confidence, keep track of your achievements. Over time, you can see your abilities growing and your comfort zone expanding. If you write down your achievements you can tell yourself how much you have achieved in past and how you can struggle hard to achieve more.When you see this pattern repeating in different areas of your life – little steps gradually leading you to greater self-confidence, and greater achievements – it helps you to face new situations.

It is important that you should not do this for boosting, these listings of your achievements should be just to bug up your positive self esteem .

9.       Learn to appreciate yourself

Everyone has strengths, weaknesses, habits, and principles that define who you are and can make you distinctive. Spend more time focusing on the qualities about yourself that you like and that are praiseworthy.

10.   Reward

Reward yourself when you succeed. Treat yourself to something nice in the glow of your successes.      Believe in yourself as a Musim and others will also believe and trust in you. The best thing you can reward yourself with is an extra prostration (SujÅ«d)in front of your Lord.

Start Having a Positive self-esteem as from today and be happy doing it.

Munirah Oyiza Abdullahi (D_Dignified_Muslimah) is an undergraduate student at the University of Ilorin, studying Agricultural science. A humanitarian Activist.

“At the very beginning of my creative life, I loved humanity. I wanted to do something good for mankind and am still trying to create the path.” (Munirah)

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